well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can I color on your dick again?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
