PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
