bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
