Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
nutella sex= disaster
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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