Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
