Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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