guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
