we're chasing vodka with high fives
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
