He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
