I wanna bring you to show and tell
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
