I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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