Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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