I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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