He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize