accomplished twins. life is a go
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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