Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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