don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you had me at cake vodka
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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