she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
