OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
