I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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