he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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