dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
