how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
