I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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