So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
