The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
