Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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