the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
