New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
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We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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