Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
