Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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