Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
