i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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