She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize