I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
