I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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