Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
