the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
