ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
