I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize