Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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