Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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