He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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