I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
