Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
