A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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