im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
