y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
