you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
