Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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