Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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