Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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