I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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