thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
