Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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