my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
