You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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