i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
