Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
