you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
