check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
