i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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