i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
